Budgeting for My Hopeless Self, A Journey Cursed Before It Even Started.

I have a long, well-documented history of being bad with money. Not in the “I should probably cut back on lattes” way. More in the “why am I broke again, I just got paid” way. Saving has never stuck with me, and overspending is basically muscle memory. I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck longer than I’d like to admit.

I’ve downloaded the apps. I’ve built the spreadsheets. I’ve watched the numbers for a week, maybe two, then gotten annoyed, overwhelmed, and quit like I always do.

I have tried off and on for many years to not be this way, but have yet to succeed. So I’m trying again. Against my better judgment. I thought that if I write about it and keep progress on it, maybe I will be able to stick to it, if not, at least you can get some entertainment out of watching me fail.

Every time my wife and I go over our budget, we can't figure out why we are always so broke. We should have plenty of money left over after we pay our bills. Yet somehow, every week, we are broke. We both know the truth, though. We overspend on things we don't need. We blame each other, back and forth until one of us gets mad enough to storm off. Honestly, it's becoming somewhat of a tradition around here.

As fun as those fights can be, none of the usual ways we make up have ever fixed my bank account.

Budgeting Apps and Spreadsheets Always Fail Me.

My savings plan is downloading a new budgeting app every six months and hoping this one doesn’t annoy me. I always give up on them. They are overcomplicated and tell me what I already know, I overspend. I’ve never been able to use one for more than a couple of weeks before giving up. 

Besides being mostly pointless for me, they cost money to use. This has always been counterintuitive for me. I’m trying to save money, but I have to pay for the app to do it. I already overspend on in-app purchases, I don't need another one. 

Spreadsheets are even worse. Trying to manually enter every transaction to track them is a nightmare. I can barely remember where I put my keys every morning. I won't remember to update a spreadsheet after I buy my junk food from the gas station before work. 

I have tried breaking all of my bills down into a spreadsheet to track them against my income. This is just a way to waste more time versus having an app do it.

What are you supposed to do when budgeting isn't an income problem, but a discipline one?

My Almost Sorta Foolproof Personal Budgeting Plan

One long boring afternoon at work I decided to work on a budget plan. I talked to ChatGPT about it for a while. But ultimately, true to ChatGPT's nature, it let me down. I wanted a plan that is going to be so simple I can only fuck it up if I try.

So here is the plan. I am going to load my Cash App card with money every paycheck. This will be the only money I can use between each paycheck. I decided on $125 every paycheck, it seemed like the sweet spot between too much and not enough. I get paid bi-weekly, and my wife gets paid twice a month. So sometimes we go two weeks without a paycheck, and other times just one. Either way, I am going to put money on the card. Anything I don't use will just be saved.

I have been doing this for two weeks now, and it's working well so far. We got paid back to back weeks this time, so I have some extra money on there. Our next paychecks are two weeks away, so I will see how it holds up on that stretch.

Conclusion and Follow-Ups

After my next paycheck, I should have a better idea how it's going to work. Hopefully I don't fuck this up. I will post updates to this as I go. If you never see another post about my budget again, you'll know I failed.